Tag: pregnancy

Tick Tock: The countdown to baby no 2 is on

Why did you decide to have a baby? Was it because you had got married and it seemed like the next thing to do? Have you always dreamed about having children and just waited for the right time? Was it an accident and hopefully a pleasant surprise?

I’ve always known I wanted to have kids. But after we got married I felt a lot of pressure to have a child. Mainly because it seems to be the only thing people ask you once you have tied the knot. But in the end, the reason we started a family was all down to broodiness. I don’t get broody around other people’s children. In fact, pre-kids I was one of those people who frowned at your children running around the restaurant and thought they should be better behaved. Don’t get me wrong, I loved cuddles with my friends’ babies, but I was more than happy to give them back. [Aside: what makes me broody now is looking at pics and videos of the J as a baby – she was so cute!!]

So why did we have kids, you might ask? I had been on the pill for a good 10 years and decided to take a break (with a view to maybe have children in the next few years). Then, a few months later I went through my first period of broodiness. It was a weird primal feeling that I just really wanted to have a baby. It was like my body was telling me you should be having a baby now. But I ignore it and it went away. Then a few months later it came back again. The third time that it returned, I realised that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. So we decided to tentatively start trying and two months later we were pregnant. By then it was too late and we couldn’t change our minds!

Fast-forward to the present day and we have an almost three year old. I knew I didn’t want to have a small gap between kids, at least two years if not three. The thought of 2 kids under 2 fills me with dread. We decided that the J would benefit from having a sibling as she loves her younger cousin and is so sweet with babies. So, we would start trying for a baby last summer – that was the plan. But then my brother decided he wanted to get married in Fiji in the October. As I had terrible morning sickness for the first 4 months of my first pregnancy, I decided I didn’t want to risk having morning sickness on a long flight.

We changed our plan and decide to start trying while on holiday – only a few more months to wait. Luckily, a chance conversation with a friend about our trip and perhaps some joke about shagging in Fiji, I mentioned our baby-making plans and she brought up the Zika virus. After a trip to the doctors (who was no help and simply looked on the World Health Organization website!) and a fair amount of my own online research – much of which was misleading – we realised we would have to wait for 6 months after our trip to start trying to get pregnant.

There’s conflicting advice about Zika virus and conception. If you are pregnant, the advice is clear – do not go to places with a high or moderate risk of Zika. The risk of what can happen to your unborn child if you contract Zika is unthinkable and just not worth the risk. I was surprised that Princess Meghan went to Fiji (around the same time as us) while she was preggers.

But if you want to have a baby, the advice is a bit murkier: some sites say that if you show no symptoms you should wait 2 months, others say that you can have Zika with no symptoms, if you are a single person its 2 months but a couple is 6 months as there is a small risk that it can be sexually transmitted. Surely, if you’ve both waited 2 months then the disease has gone??? It doesn’t make sense to me, but to be sure we are waiting for 6 months.

The only problem with having that long to think about making a baby, you start to question your choices! Do we want to go back to the sleepless nights? Am I ready to give my body over to another human for 9 months plus? And so on. I tend to prefer spontaneous decisions that you can choose to regret later.

So the countdown is on – we are almost three months in to the six month ‘no unprotected sex’ period. I have to say, I am pretty desperate to get cracking, with very frequent broody periods yet again, but patience is a virtue. Perhaps we should see it as a blessing in disguise. By the time we potentially have the baby, the J will be 4 years old and on her way to school the following summer. She’ll be old enough to help out with her younger brother or sister and should understand what’s going on. Grump says that he clearly remembers his sister being born when he was 3 years, 10 months and that it was very special. While I was under 2 when my brother was born and have no memories of it.

As a final note: I’ve been doing dry January this month and have been offered FREE prosecco twice that I have turned down. It has been a tough time. I didn’t drink any alcohol in my last pregnancy and don’t plan on doing it with the next one. That means I’ve got Feb-April to get my booze on… perhaps my next blog post will be about mum hangovers!

Becoming Daddy

daddy-and-immy

Preface

So Grump has been meaning to write a guest blog post for me for a while. He actually got around to it the other night when I fell asleep on the sofa at 6pm and left him in peace. He is an amazing father to the J and I am so lucky to have him by my side on this crazy journey that is parenting. I would say that his post is a little bit soppy for my liking, but it made my heart melt to read things from his point of view and to hear how much he loves our little girl (and me, bless him). I hope this post resonates with some of your other halves and encourages them to open up about their experiences as a new Dad.

Becoming Daddy

G and I had been together for about 12 years before eventually tying the knot, but starting a family was something neither of us wanted to rush into. We enjoyed married life for a year or two but, as the old saying goes, ‘time waits for no man’ (or woman’s biological clock for that matter) so we decided to go for it. G actually fell pregnant a lot quicker than both of us expected, and I’ll never the forget the mixture of emotions I felt when she did a pregnancy test and found out that we were expecting. I was of course absolutely thrilled, but at the same time terrified that I would now be responsible for a new little person – this from someone who struggles to put his shoes on the correct feet in the morning…

As G’s pregnancy progressed I developed this deep, instinctive need to protect and watch over her; I worried when she went out that something terrible would happen, that something would go wrong and we’d lose little Peanut. From speaking to other Dads, I knew I wasn’t alone in feeling this. It seems nature is very clever in preparing us for what lies ahead: that need to protect and provide.

Each night before we went to sleep I would rub oil into G’s tummy (apparently, it’s good for preventing stretch marks) and chat to Peanut. Just silly little things, but I began to build a bond with my unborn child that would only grow stronger – especially when I saw him or her (we didn’t want to know the sex) for the first time at our 12-week scan. Then it became so real, and seeing that little heartbeat made me quite tearful. I’ve never been an overly-emotional person, but this was something different; it awakened an instinct in me that I think only expectant Dads can empathise with.

Feeling the first little movements was another great milestone for me, and I’ll never forget the look on G’s face as we lay on the bed together and I felt Peanut move for the first time. I’ve always adored my wife, but moments like that on our way to becoming parents made me love her even more; we were in this together and would enjoy many more special moments like this during her pregnancy that brought us closer than I could ever imagine.

I must admit I was very apprehensive about the birth, and the nearer our due date got the worse it became. This may sound a little stupid coming from someone who was going to be a mere bystander, but I was worried for my wife. I was nervous about seeing the woman I loved in pain, and worried whether I would be a hindrance at a time she would need me most. We had a false start or two, but when things got going it seemed as if I was on autopilot. I’d listened very carefully during our NCT classes and was determined to do my bit by helping G with her breathing exercises and making sure she got help from the midwives when she needed it – quite forcefully on one occasion as it happens!

I would say that there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that could have prepared me for that 12-hour stint at G’s bedside. She was absolutely amazing, and the strength and determination she showed through what is surely the most intense pain a human being can endure not only made me respect her so much, but it made me see her quite differently. Yes, she was still was my wife and best friend, but for the first time ever since I’d known her she was about to be something she’d never been: the mother of my child.

When the J finally put in an appearance, it was by far the most amazing moment of my life. They say you never forget the birth of your children, and now I understood why. I was allowed down at the ‘business end’ every now and again, and it was a strange feeling to see the J’s head emerge and see our child before G did – the person who’d been carrying this wriggling squatter for the last nine months! But the moment she was actually born knocked me for six. The emotion of it all completely overwhelmed me and I became this crying mess of a man who was now realising his world had changed forever. I was in such a state I couldn’t even cut the cord as planned – all the while G was as calm and collected as I’d ever seen her.

When I finally pulled myself together and I held this tiny little girl in my arms I was immediately in love; a love that is unbreakable and like no other, a love between a daddy and his little girl. As a teacher, I’d often got cross with those who I perceived as ‘over-protective parents’ who fussed over their children over insignificant things. But now, for the first time, I saw it from a totally different perspective. I understood from the very first moment I held the J that you’d do anything to protect your child. That in-built need to care and protect, and God help anyone who tries to harm them.

As I’m sure any new Dad will testify, the first few weeks (and months) of fatherhood are a complete whirlwind. I must confess I was a bit miffed at being moved down the pecking order – G’s priority was now the J and I had to fend for myself a lot more, which I genuinely found a struggle. The sleepless nights; the 1am trips to Tesco, searching the shelves frantically for wind remedy; the constant, non-stop stream of stinking nappies; and an ever-decreasing bank balance… not to mention a non-existent sex-life (made all the worse by the fact your wife’s boobs look AMAZING), all conspire to put you off parenthood for life. But I can genuinely say that I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Now that the J has reached her first birthday, things have certainly got easier, but there are now very different challenges as she begins to find her way in the world. The colds, the bugs, the moving of her own accord and the havoc that causes around the house… but it’s those special moments that she and I have together that make it all worthwhile. When she falls asleep in my arms as I rock her off to sleep. The beaming smile I get as I walk in the door from work. The fits of giggles she has as I blow raspberries on her tummy. Every now and again I have to pinch myself and remind myself that this is actually real; G and I actually made her, and not only has being parents brought us closer together as a couple, it’s made me complete. It’s made me a Daddy.