Disclaimer: I wrote this post on Sunday, when I was feeling particularly low and was having a rubbish day. Today has been loads better and I’m feeling so much more positive. It just goes to show how a good night’s sleep can change your mood.
Isn’t it funny how some days your child is a little angel and you have a lovely, fun day. They go down for naps easily, they eat all their food without complaint and you think “I’ve got this parenting lark sorted.” Then, other days, it feels like everything is going wrong and that you are a rubbish parent, and you wonder, “Why did I sign up for this?”
Today was the latter. The J wasn’t even that badly behaved, but I had no patience with her. I think tiredness had a large part to play here – for both of us. She refused to have an afternoon nap at all, so was awake and cranky, but would not go to sleep under any circumstances.
Since having a baby, my mood swings are crazy. On Saturday I was in a great mood. It was my sister-in-law’s surprise baby shower, so my mum babysat the J for a couple of hours. It was a really nice afternoon and I had lots of a fun (I even won a prize for being amazing at guessing who’s who from baby photographs) and I when I picked the J up, my mum said that she had been a pleasure. She even got herself off to sleep in the new travel cot, which is unheard of. Everything just ran smoothly: dinner, bath, bed etc. Grump was at the rugby, so I was doing the bedtime routine on my own, which can be mega stressful – especially when the J tries to drown herself in the bath or crawls away when I’m trying to get her nappy on. I swear I spend my days chasing after her little naked bum. But, this Saturday was a breeze.
Today I woke up and everything was shit. I was tired as the cot alarm had gone off twice in the night and I went in to find the J was asleep at the end of the bed and not on the sensor mat. When I tried to move her she woke up and then I couldn’t get her back to sleep. Why, oh why did I move her????? Idiot (me, not her). Obviously Grump didn’t help as he was comatose in the spare room after a few too many pints. So I was mega tired, and today everything felt like a drag. My patience was zero. Grump annoyed me, the J annoyed me and then I felt guilty for hating everyone when I have such a lovely family. Oh and I’ve got my period, which didn’t help matters. Gosh this is a moany blog post.
I guess my point is that two very similar days can feel so different depending on your mood (and how much sleep you’ve had the night before). If I’m in a good mood then I am so much more tolerant when the J starts screaming when I wipe her face after lunch. If I’m in a bad mood, the noise makes me want to bang my head against the wall. To be fair, some days the J is in a great mood and that makes things easier, and some days she is stroppy and is particularly testing. Everything I do is wrong and she is grotty all day. Today is a rubbish day, but hopefully tomorrow will be better. It’s all swings and roundabouts.
When I set out to write a parenting blog, I didn’t want it to be all moany and negative, but I also want to let other mums know how I feel and that there are really crappy days and there are great days. And that if you feel the same way as me then you are not alone. Parenting is hard work. It is relentless. And it’s OK to feel like you hate it sometimes. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but sometimes I struggle at being a good mum. I long for the glory days of cocktails, meals out and lazy Sundays. But I wouldn’t change my life now for the world and, on the bad days, I cherish those good, happy moments. Oh and I tend to finish those bad days with a bottle of wine… #just saying